Cw: stalking, manipulation, violence (sexual/emotional), and more.
I've had quite an interesting life. Many choices I'm not proud of and a number of sticky situations I could have avoided. But nonetheless, life happened, and it happened how it did.
I was 17 years old in 2006. At the time, I was still working at my first job as a grocery store front-end clerk and cashier. That's when I first would meet Jack (name changed). Jack transferred into the store as the Assistant Customer Service Manager, so that made him second in command in my department. I'd say he was 22 or 23. We had a good and pleasant professional relationship. We joked around and generally had a good time. There was nothing unusual or out of the ordinary about our working relationship. Then one day, I transferred stores and I would not hear from him again until 2011, when I was 21 going on 22.
For context, I had my first relationship that lasted longer than two weeks when I was 20. I dated a guy I met through a local theater troupe who was 8 years my senior. I truthfully wasn't stable...I was taking anti-depressants and mixing it with loads of intoxicants. To put it firmly, it was a pretty toxic relationship and I ended it--but did not take it well. Guess I had "returner's remorse." I tried to reconcile it--but luckily (looking back) he didn't budge. But nonetheless, I was heartbroken and acting a whole fool about it.
So I responded like the co-dependent I am. Dating and hookups. Anything for attention.
Jack must have found me at the perfect time. Vulnerable, unstable and detoxing from anti-depressants I could no longer afford (with no insurance, the MD visit was $200 and the 30-day supply was over $150...and I still worked at a grocery store making $9 an hour part-time.) If you've never withdrawn cold turkey from an anti-depressant, I do NOT recommend it.
He connected with me via Facebook. He saw through my statuses that I was going though a rough breakup and that is when he confided in me that he was too. His boyfriend of 4 years was all of these things. A manipulator. A liar. Unfaithful. Everything under the sun.
This is when he asked me out for a drink. His treat! He said he wanted to talk through our mutual pain. I told him that it would be fun to catch up but set an expectation that I wasn't seeking any type of romantic or sexual relationship with him. He said he respected that and felt the same.
But that wasn't true.
I really can't remember much about the conversation. We talked about our exes and the mutual pains. But nothing remarkable. That's when he told me the drive home for him was over an hour. He asked if he could just stay at my place. I said No. He pushed the subject. I still said No. Then finally he convinced me it would just be for an hour so he could sober up. I gave in.
I told him I was going right to sleep as I had to be in at 9am. He could let himself out. But he never did. Instead, he took it upon himself to find pleasure in my tipsy, half asleep body. I didn't say anything. I woke up the next day annoyed he was still there and rushed him out so I could go to work. After he leaves, I re-assert the original boundary. He says he understands.
Then the gifts started. We hung out at my favorite coffee shop followed by my favorite gay bar. I introduced him to my friends. Each time he brought a personalized token. It was awkward but I accepted the gifts. Why not?
I only visited him at home once. It was an hour and a half drive. That's when he unleashed all the trauma he experienced in his life as a child. I have no idea if any of it was true--but at 21, I certainly believed it and developed feelings of sympathy and sorrow for him.
Things continued.
But it really erupted when I started a sexual relationship with a guy I had met online. Sexy as ever, I was highly attracted to him. I was never even slightly attracted to Jack. Once Jack saw that I was dating this guy, all hell broke loose.
Suddenly, I had bad teeth. I was trailer trash. I was a drug addict. A bitch. A psycho. My new boyfriend was ugly and all these terrible things. I never told my boyfriend any of this was happening--most of it was though text messages. He eventually apologized and said he just had gotten jealous and was triggered from his ex. I gave way to forgiveness.
But then the harassment continued.
Continued messages via Facebook and posts directly tagging me and badgering me. Insulting me. I blocked him. He continues to harass me though his best friends page. I block her.
The text messages get excessive, to over 120 text messages in a single hour. Most of them insults and threats about me getting what is indebted to me. He knew where I lived, worked and hung out.
I was fearful every time I saw headlights illuminate my window. I was watching my back.
He showed up at my favorite bar but my drag family swiftly threw him out. He was angered by this and continued to send me threats.
It was starting to impact my work performance because I was so distracted. He was obsessed--and would not let up.
One day, a manager I had previously worked for called me to notify me that Jack had visited her at her store. He knew I had a great relationship with her and I looked up to her. He badgered me to her, said I was obsessed with him and that I was doing drugs (and being this was a drug free workforce such rumors could be harmful). She didn't buy it--but she warned me because she knew something wasn't right.
I knew I had to do something. But what resources were there? I was afraid the police would not take it seriously as I had read time and time again that such problems between members of the same gender were often ignored or minimalized. But I hadn't much other choices. So I called them. The Tampa Police officer arrived at my door and took my statement, reviewed the messages and the texts and filed a police report. I was then given a form granting me 21 days to file charges. He left.
No resources or immediate safety measures were given but I was finally able to block his phone number. Back then, at least with Verizon, it was quite a process.
A day later, Jack reached out from a friends phone. He was furious that I had gotten police involved and told lies and now he was going to sue me. I told him (totally making it up as I go) that contacting me was evidence and that his friend is an accomplice for letting him use their phone. I think the friend was on speaker because the call swiftly ended.
I never heard from Jack again.
I got lucky. Many people who file these reports meet a demise because no protective measures were provided in the interim.
Oh and if you're wondering, the officer definitely asked me what I had done to lead him on and to lead to this erratic behavior. Not shocking, right?
I don't know where Jack is but I do know this. He is part of me forever. I forever wonder if and when the day will come where I'm faced with him again.
No comments:
Post a Comment