The Life of the Party

Cw: Sexual activity/assault, intoxication

When I was in my early 20's, I learned about partying.

Actually I learned about partying much younger. I was raised in an alcoholic home and as such, I was introduced to chaos and partying very early on. But I digress.

When I was in my early 20's, I went to this party at a close friends house. It was a bunch of people there, mostly 19-24. 

Somehow the way the liquor hit me, I wound up completely nude.

There is no one I hate more than drunk me and how humiliating I am to the more introverted sober me. 

Nonetheless, it happened.

I barely remember the evening.

I do remember somehow going to the community pool and "skinny dipping". I don't know how we got away with that. It's somewhat freeing when you think about it.

My next memory, I had a guy on top of me, performing very rough (with teeth) oral sex on me.

When I say with teeth, I mean with teeth. It took weeks to heal.

I woke up to that.

I never thought of it as a strange experience until years later, when I realized, I had no cognitive say in that action.

Perhaps the highly drunk intoxicated me "wanted it" but that wasn't a cognitive choice.

And that disturbs me.

And to think, the next day I apologized to him about it because I somehow felt guilty and responsible.

I don't know what I intend of making this writing but rather, I just needed to say it. 

Writing heals.